glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
