i just identified you from a description of your pipe
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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