He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
