So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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