You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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