I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
