If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
