Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
