Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
