My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
