.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
