We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
