I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
