there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
