I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
