I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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