I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
