he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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