The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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