physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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