His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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