I wish I could teleport
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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