i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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