I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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