is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
