my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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