If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
