if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
