forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
