4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Someone came in the potted fern
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
