you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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