3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
