Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
handjob tips. give me some.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
