I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
