i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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