Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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