If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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