That's when you crack a 10am beer
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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