how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
