I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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