I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
