i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
