Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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