yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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