everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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