super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
