P.S. I can't hear my feet
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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