final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
