Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
