can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
