she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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