even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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