Buhtt sex?
my shit smells like andre
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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