we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
