so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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