Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish you could order shots online.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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