guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
