Yo dont text me then not text me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
