You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
did i walk over a car last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
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